Real World Danny’s real-world impact

How a message board set up by Danny Roberts has touched the lives of gay men he’s never even met.
By Tom Harrison 
An Advocate.com exclusive

Adam was a Mormon missionary in Chile; John a middle-aged attorney in the Midwest; Ricky a 16-year-old high school student; Ron a 50-something information technology specialist with a worldwide manufacturing firm. 

Beginning in the spring of 2000, these men came to know each other and share their lives. They, along with other gay men and women--and a few straight people--intersected on the “Country-to-Concrete” Web site message board. 

Danny Roberts, the 24-year-old gay star of MTV’s 2000 Real World in New Orleans, launched the site and message board as the series was airing. And it is Roberts who is the unifying link to those who tell their stories on his site. 

People who were attracted to Roberts or inspired by his open, comfortable style checked out Country-to-Concrete, which often hosts running conversations involving two to 10 people at a time. The board is always full. 

“It has a life of its own,” says Ron. “It has a different meaning to all who visit, all who post, all who look to it as a resource, all who see it as a support, all who look to it for meaning.” 

Ron visits the board regularly and shares the wisdom of his years, giving advice, encouragement, and a lot of love to others struggling to establish their identity and live their lives. 

Sixteen-year-old Ricky went to the board last June, when he first acknowledged he is gay. “I think the board is a place where you go and say hi and you automatically start meeting people and you get familiar with them and you feel like it’s home.” 

Meeting such people turned Adam’s life around. 

While he had once experimented sexually with another boy, he told himself he was straight. And as a Mormon whose faith was important to him, Adam thought that being straight was necessary for acceptance and salvation. 

While on a church mission to Chile last summer, Adam “confessed” his attraction and previous brief homosexual experience. “The leaders of the mission decided to remove me from the mission to ‘work on the problem,’ seek help, and become more spiritual,” Adam says. 

He did “everything I could” to become straight. “I went to the Mormon Temple often, read scripture for hours each day, read books written by our Mormon leaders and sought psychological help.” 

After coming to the message board, Adam found a network of people who accepted and supported him. “I finally, after a couple months staying late at school to use the computer—so Mom could not track my extensive time on Danny’s, or, as she called him, “that gay boy’s” site—I decided I was for sure gay. I also came to the realization, with much help from my Country-to-Concrete friends, that God was fine with that,” Adam says. 

John is still struggling with his sexual identity but has found others with whom he can talk about it. “This is the only place I have ever been able to discuss matters pertaining to my sexuality,” he says. 

John, like so many who came to the board, was attracted to Roberts, who through his personality and actions on The Real World somehow made it seem OK to be gay. 

“Finally being able to admit to myself that I may be gay is a huge step in finding out who I really am,” John says. While he is still not certain if he is gay, he says he can now explore the issues in a nonthreatening atmosphere. He has developed a friendship and support network that has extended to phone calls and in-person meetings. 

He and others refer to the board members as family. “So many have opened their hearts and shared their personal stories,” John says. “What a relief to know I am not alone in this struggle.” 

It’s not just sexual issues people discuss. Politics, religion, entertainment, hobbies, and current events are common topics of conversation. Finding new love, struggling with relationships, dealing with loneliness, being married and gay, in or out of the closet--the range of experiences and emotions is wide indeed. 

“LWC” is a frequent visitor to the board. She once saw herself as bisexual but is married to a man. She enjoys the people and their viewpoints: “I first visited the site in September of 2000 and found it to be quite intellectually stimulating. More importantly, I found friends I have daily contact with.” LWC says she hopes to meet some of them in the near future. 

Gay youth Andi, who says he knew Roberts prior to Country-to-Concrete, came on to the site just to chat with him. “The number of people coming on just grew and grew. I was not that comfortable with my sexuality when I first came on, but now I am,” he says. Andi says he has become so comfortable with who he is that he plans to give a speech on being gay in one of his classes. 

“Freaky Rouge,” a Southern 20-something college student, says he too found the board a comfortable and comforting place to be. “It helped me to realize that there were other people just like me and that there were caring people who would take time to talk with me,” he says. “It just really helped me to realize it’s OK to be gay, and that I am not alone.” 

Ditto for Kyle, who at 13 is one of the youngest on the site. While most Country-to-Concrete “members” are in their late teens or early 20s, all age groups, races, and economic levels are represented. 

And a couple romances have evolved from the Web site contacts. 

Terry and Lido had never come out about their sexuality. After watching The Real World–New Orleans they both ventured onto Roberts’s site. “Terry was one of the first people who posted on the board, and I came on shortly after,” says Lido, a 33-year-old man who was living in the West. “We hit it off from the start and after a while began talking daily on the phone, up to four hours at a time.” 

Lido says that when he and Terry finally met in January of this year, they were already both in love. “It was totally based on who we were, because we had never seen each other,” he says. 

They are still together, living in Middle America, grateful for the site that helped them accept who they are and find each other. 

While romantic love may be an outcome for some, it is not the board’s main focus. Acceptance, support, and connecting to others are the factors that draw people. 

As Shaun says, “I saw how happy Danny and Paul [Roberts’s boyfriend] were [on The Real World] and I had never seen a gay couple in my life. And that made me feel like I was almost normal. It made me realize that life isn’t about stereotypes. It made me realize life is life and you live it how you live it, not how others want.” 

Tom Harrison is a Country-to-Concrete regular. 

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On June 19, MTV aired a special 10-year-anniversary tribute to "The Real World." It will include interviews with past cast members and celebrity fans of the show, (including yours truly), along with special moments from this groundbreaking television experience. In light of the current saturation of reality TV, we forget that "The Real World" was the granddaddy of them all. 

It discussed real issues that much of society only discussed behind closed doors: AIDS, race, gender, class, alcoholism, religion, abortion and most of all, sexuality. Every year, from its inception, "The Real World" had at least one gay, lesbian or bisexual member in the cast. 

In the most recent installment of the show, we met Danny Roberts, a handsome, 23-year-old, recent graduate of the University of Georgia, in Athens. He looked like your average American young man, and he was, but with a twist. Not only was Danny openly gay, but we quickly learned that his boyfriend was in the military. Once again, "The Real World" was entering uncharted territory. With Paul's face obscured, Danny and Paul would do for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" what Pedro and Sean did for AIDS only a few years before. It made a subject that most of us only read about real.