I'm really content. My life is very much where I want it to be. For the first time I feel complete liberation socially, religiously, economically. It's a good feeling.
When we finished filming the Challenge, we all came back to Los Angeles. Production had gotten me a plane ticket home. I was standing there with a plane ticket to Wisconsin in my hand, and all of a sudden I thought to myself: Why am I going home? I decided to stay around for a while.
So what did I do? I got an apartment in Los Angeles near Melissa. Well, I liked being close to her, but I didn't like the city at all. Everyone was so fake, and the traffic. I'd always dreamed of living in Southern California, but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be. Really, I was having a hard time coping. Long story short, I was ready just to get out of town when i found out about Huntirtgton Beach, which is about an hour south of L.A. It's a beautiful little community where people know each other. It's slower and not so crazy. I thought it was perfect. At the time, there was a lot of excitement in my life, and being somewhere that's chill was good for me. It still is.
Life after The Real World has been hectic. That's because I know this notoriety thing isn't going to last, and I take every speaking engagement, every gig I can even if it means I'm on a plane once a week. It's better than having a nine-to-five.
I do college lectures; I do abstinence and antismoking campaigns; and I host a show on the Discovery Channel. The show is called Electric Playground. It's about video games and technology. I'm just a nerd. It's my fantasy to get paid to play and review video games!
It's so cool to work really hard on something you are proud of every week. I was in The Real World but I didn't work on it. I'm putting hard work into Electric Playground. I'm just proud of it. I love when it airs! I interview celebrities about video games. It's great to be on the flip side of the interview process. I did an interview with Richard Hatch
from Survival about the video game Quake. He recognized me from the show. I feel an immediate bond with people who've been on reality shows. It's like we're all in the club; we know.
If I got anything from being on The Real World, it's courage: courage to do what I want, to look at myself and the ugly things about myself and start dealing with them. Oh, and I think I got one more thing: a really deep appreciation for my family. I treated them like a** on the show. I epitomized the angry teenager. I made my parents look bad on national TV. That's the worst thing anybody can do. My parents have been nothing faul supportive, and maybe I disagree with them on some issues, but does that mean I have to go on TV and have the world rally behind me?
I was a bad daughter last year and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. My parents think I was going through a phase, but I don't think there's any excuse for what I did. I apologize to them each and every
day.
People tell me they respect how I was to my father, how they think he was out of line. When I hear that, it makes me cry. You should never yell at your parents. I'm so ashamed that I brought my family into the show at all. I think our relationship might be stronger as a result of it, but it brought so much hardship into my life.
I've lost so many friends because of the show. My best childhood friend, Joy, we don't even talk anymore. She visited me in New Orleans and found the whole thing creepy. And then I was freaking out after the show. If I hadn't gone on the show, we'd still be friends. I would take back the show to have that relationship back, to have my parents back.
Religiously, where am I? At the same place I've always been. I still go to Mormon church. I've got a cool ward right now. I've made a really good friend, Melissa, through church. She and I started a band together called Cherry Bomb Threat. It's punk rock. She sings and I play drums.
Yeah, the guitar thing was ruined for me from watching the show. I needed to get my aggression
out, so I took up the drums. The band gives me a sense of family something to wake up for. My drum set is in my room, so I literally wake up to it. It gives me
energy for living.I love when people come up to me and talk to me about drumming. Actually, I love it when people come up to me and talk about anything but The Real World.
I'm still really good friends with Melissa. We hang out a lot. I don't really talk to the rest of my cast anymore. Every time we get together, it's like Twin Peaks, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kelley and I got into a little fight about something-no big drama, but we haven't spoken for a bit. I really like Kelley. I think she's one of the most logical, perceptive people I've ever met. I know we'll talk eventually, even though we're not in touch at the moment.
Matt? I don't know what his deal is, but he's changed about 180 degrees. He loves the fame. He truly loves it He dresses so friggin' rock star, it's ridiculous. He talks like he's Woodrow Wilson, like the world should stop when his mouth opens. When we do lectures and we walk around the campus, his eyes comb the crowds looking to see if people recognize him. He's obsessed with it all.
And David, he's totally using The Real World to help his music career. I'd rather be playing in a little dirty dive club in nowheresville than have a CD In stores across the country that capitalizes on my Real World fame. When he goes to lectures, he brings a posse with him. It's humiliating for all of us.
The truth is we're all a little bit wacko right now. Jamie's on this spiritual quest for monkhood. He's always going into the desert and running around naked. Melissa and I, we've had a lot of hardships from the show. Everyone's got issues that is, everyone except Danny. He is the same coming out as he was going in. When I want to stabilize myself, I call Danny. He's the most wonderful example of a human being. He's so sensible.
I'm happy now, but I'm not about being famous for the rest of my life. I plan on going back to school in San Diego. It's an hour away from where I am, and I love it there. The people are so chill. The kids are so cute. It's like paradise to me. I think I've always been meant to live in California. When I get off the plane, even if I'm at LAX, i step outside and breathe in the air. And I'm happy. It just smells right to me.
