***(Paul got out the military last Feb 2002)
I know it seems strange to viewers that Paul and I knew each other for only a week before I got to New Orleans. It's just that the minute we met, there was this energy. In the first hour talking to him, I felt like I knew him. We hung out for three days straight (That's when we took those pictures I put up in my room) It was right before I left for New Orleans that I said, "I love you" I know that sounds nuts I told Paul, "Look, I know you're going to think this is weird, but I feel like I love you." I couldn't believe I was saying it He said, "1 don't think that's weird, because I feel the same way." Having just met Paul, I didn't know how much energy I wanted to put into the relationship. I called and told him I wasn't sure I wanted to make anything serious out of it But talking to him made me realize he was really into me. And then, when he visited me, that just made me realize how special this was. He was willing to come down to New Orleans, and put his career on the line. Every day that passed, I got more and more into him. He ended up making four visits. And we talked on the phone about four times a week. The reason I'm so into Paul is his personality. How to describe Paul, He's got a lot of energy. He tries to be positive about everything. For me, that's really important I just don't want to be around negative people anymore. He has a lot of the same interests as I do. He likes to camp and spend time outdoors. He's the most genuine person you'll ever meet We're opposite in the sense that he's really open about how he feels and I'm really reserved. But, being around him, I'm a lot more open. His openness wears off on me. We have little things in common, like music and clothes, though Paul's preppie than I am. He's a total Abercrombie & Fitch guy. I hate Abercrombie & Fitch, but he gave me a bunch of sweaters from there that I love. It looks like that's all I wear on the show.
When Paul came to New Orleans, we'd close ourselves off into a cocoon. We'd stay In the room together and just cut out the roommates and everything else in life except each other. Paul liked all the roommates on a surface level, but honestly, when he came to visit I was the only person to whom he paid attention. Actually, the truth is, Paul thought some of my roommate were ridiculous spoiled brats. He's a little older than they are, and he just didn't want to be around them. Especially Jamie. He likes Kelley and Julie and he likes Melissa to a degree, but she got kind of annoying. Paul was coming into a situation he couldn't stand. That meant a lot from me.
We did a lot of running from cameras when he was here. At first he was really nervous. the second time, he relaxed. The last time we were used to camera, but we were sick of them, We ran off to a hotel room and no one knew. It was great.
If I regret anything, it will be what Paul sees in the Mardi Gras. I regret all of Mardi Gras. the only creeping I did was when I got busted making out with that guy in the confessional. It was one of those party fouls, big ooops. Paul will see that and that's pretty bad.
The minute I got off the plane from New Orleans, Paul picked me up. I'll admit I was nervous. We had not spent that much time together, and I knew this was going to be the test. We went on the road together for three weeks. We went to Arkansas to visit Kelley. We went to my parents' house. They love Paul. My dad will sit there and talk to Paul all day long. He loves all the military stuff. He talks to Paul more than he talks to me. After the trip, I felt twice as much for him as I did before.
I live with him now. It couldn't be any better. We watch a lot of movies and spend a lot of time on the beach. We go camping a lot Definitely, I was very nervous about moving in with him. But I've never felt better, Since the show, we've learned a lot about each other , we certainly, we've learned some bad things. He realized it's hard to pull a lot out of me and that there are certain things I just don't talk about. I know I have to overcome this.
There's been a lot of press requests for both of us. Most people want to talk to me about "the Paul issue." We just want to lay low Except for The Advocate, I basically turned everything down. The Advocate is a big gay magazine, and I felt I wanted to speak to that sector of society I felt I could do that magazine, and be done with it. I don't want to do anything else until Paul's out of the military. Paul just wants The Real World to go away. I think he felt that when I came home, the show was over. I don't think he realized it was only the beginning Yeah, he likes watching the show I'm always complimenting him! He likes seeing that.
You always think love at first sight is never going to happen. But the minute I met Danny, my chest started hurting I was having a heart attack, so I guess it was love. It was like I saw him, and I knew I'd be in it with him for good.
Before he moved to New Orleans, we were like, "Oh, it'll be fine We can not see each other for five months" Yeah, right Five minutes after Danny left on the plane, I missed him terribly. It's true I was scared as hell when I first went to visit him I drove by the house in the taxicab about three times. I was so freaked by the house. It was lit up like a Christmas tree So I told the driver. "Drop me off at the drugstore up the street" I called Danny from a phone booth He was like, "Come over. It will be fine." I hid . behind a tree and he came out Then, the cameras did . At first I was defensive When the cameras first surrounded me, I was going out of my mind We had to break the rules, and have a sit-down with the directors and producers. Danny was holding me when we were talking I wasn't comfortable at all, and I was really scared But I decided to put my trust in the crew I asked them to empathize with my decision not to show my face on camera.
I did not want to put any pressure on Danny to stay faithful. I didn't want to put rule on him. But I told him I loved him. I told him I wouldn't screw around I said, "As far as I'm concerned, you're it, written in stone".
"Enough said," was his response "You don't have to say anymore". He echoed my feelings It was so meaningful. To have someone you're head over heels in love with say the same thing back! There's nothing I can't say to him. There's no hiding. I feel comfortable telling him anything He knows more about me than my mom does.
Going into the Real World house was weird Everything there was going a mile a minute. Camera crews make life go fast. I spent most of my time there trying to get away from that atmosphere It was too busy for me.
To be on The Real World, you have to be willing to be displayed. I did not go there to be displayed. I went there to see the person I love. My life is personal to me. It's also a matter of keeping my job in the military. I want to serve my country. I want to get out on my own accord without them telling me to get out because I'm a homosexual. I want to do my time Not because I owe it to them, but because I want to.
I don't expect the military to change overnight. Change doesn't happen overnight. I don't know if seeing Danny and me on television together will do anything good for the world. I guess I feel that the more gay people on television, the better especially more different kinds of gay people.
I guess if I want to tell the show anything, it's that true love is out there. Love at first sight happens. When it's right, you have to go for it. Jump right in, feet first, and do a lot of dog padding then you'll know how to swim.
My friends used to tell me I was too picky, that I'd end up an old man on a porch with my hound and shotgun all alone. Well ha! I beat them at their game! All those people who don't believe in concept of true love-they 're the one who will be sitting on the porch.
